but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
