Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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