im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
