Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
