why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
