I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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