Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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