had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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