Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
