Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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