You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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