You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Enjoy the penises
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
