um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
