So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
