I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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