I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
