Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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