Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
