I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
