Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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