a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
