It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
