I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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