The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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