please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
