My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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