ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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