You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
