just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
