I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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