I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
