dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
