There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
