If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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