Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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