At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
