Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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