I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
did you just send me my own nude
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
