He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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