just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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