Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
