Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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