We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
