i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
