marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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