Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
