I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
