I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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