No stitches, just platelets and will power
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
