new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
