I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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