i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
