She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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