even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
