the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
